Be That Girl..

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I always wished i can be those girls who have tons of beautiful clothes, beautiful things. Those girls who can go shopping pretty often of their life without worrying about money at all, coz their family have unlimited supply of cash for her, or maybe they just don’t know the financial status of her family.

Sometimes, i do feel unpretty. I wanna be like those girls who are glamorous, never seen wearing the same outfit twice, beautiful. I always got the feeling that i am a plain jane. I am never the glamorous one. I am never the beautiful one. I am never the fashionable one. I am never the pretty one. I am never the hot and sexy one. I am never the talented one. Who am i? Where do i belong? It makes me feel real small and down sometimes. It’s like i will never stand out from the others.

Maybe i am the one that people will always remember as the girl that reminds Christine & Sandra about college and assignment the most.

I can’t afford to spend to buy clothes and really doll up myself, my family can’t. I don’t dare to spend so much. I always wonder how nice it is to just shop, shop and shop until you drop? I just can’t. Back in Malaysia, i can’t even afford to eat well. I have to worry about college, my expenses, my transportation to college and $$$. I really feel those who goes to college without worrying about $$ and just worry about their education, are really lucky.

Yes, life here is so much more better than in Malaysia. At least i am not alone struggling and i eat well and i have money. Yet, i can’t spend as my heart wish to. I have to save the money i earn for my college. Tell me which of my friends are using the money they earn for their own college? I didn’t take PTPTN coz i have the opportunity to study abroad now, who doesn’t want it? But there are a price to pay, i have to take the risk and i have to work for my own college fees. If you’re wondering is the job here harder and tiring? I have no comments about it. I had many working experiences and i think i know how to deal with jobs like this and i am not a quitter. I wanna get a degree in Broadcasting and i will, that’s my goal.

I really wish i am not this kind of girl.. Who worries so much about her family and her life. Sometimes i could be the other girl that i wished to be.

I know this will make me a stronger and better person than the others. I just wished i am strong enough to go through this stage of my life where my friends are all having fun in their youth, looking pretty, hot and sexy and graduated.

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3 Responses:

Anonymous said...

your family is proud of you.

your boyfriend is lucky to have you.

and you.. are an amazing person.

all the best in your endeavours and God bless always.

Christine said...

mell! who says youre not attractive, sexy, fashionable and all that??? I SAY YOURE ONE OF THE PRETTIEST FRIEND I EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! seriously, and you've got so much substance and character in you! you never give up easily. you always persevere through hardships! and you're beautiful both inside and outside! don't let your silly thoughts make you feel small, cause that is not how the rest of us see you! YOU ARE GORGEOUS! I LOVE YOU MEL! :)

Melanie said...

Xtine : I love u too. It's just a thought i have sometimes.

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