I Wish It All Go Away (0)

Checking out Christine’s pictures on Facebook. She is having so much fun. Everything seems fine, but i know, she feels the same way that  i do too.

After so many months, i still find myself feeling vulnerable towards the fact that, i no longer can see Sand.

I cried when i was watching the trailer of Charlie St.Cloud with the song, Run by Snow Patrol, playing at the background.

It hits me so hard that i couldn’t careless if i was in the cinema alone with fulhouse of people waiting to watch Eclipse.

When will i get over her? She is always with me.

It is so hard to actually get a friend like her. Someone i feel very comfortable with. Someone you can share everything with. Even her weaknesses does pissed you off sometimes, you will always find it adorable and easily forgivable.

 

I miss her.

 

I feel like a loser sometimes who can’t face reality.

 

Well, maybe, she is my reality. I really love her..

 

And sometimes, i might be a little scared to talk to Christine. Brings back those memories. I am glad she found new great friends, and i am glad that she is happy.

Labels: Friends

I Never Told You (0)

When will i get over this?

I miss everything about you everyday.

It is hurting me each day.

I wish i can tell you all the things i have inside.

I guess i have to live with this regret.

 

 

 

Random thoughts : If i choose a power, i want to bring back the dead.

Labels: Friends, Life

Till I Get Over You (2)

Life goes on..

College is fun. I am having lots of fun now in my TV Class. Last Tuesday i was in the broadcasting team to broadcast our College Men & Women Championship live on our very own channel. Was pretty nervous coz it's my first time working surrounded by 100% caucasians, plus i ONLY have experience in camcorders. It's a long day job. Luckily i was based in the control room as a CG who controls the graphic. It's a great experience.

I try to keep myself busy and making friends..

John, Hiro, Taran are pretty nice people to hang out with. And i'm starting to make friends in my TV class.

I don't wanna sound like a depressing bitch, but i really miss my friend alot. I just wish she's online or in Malaysia, or somewhere around the world, talking to me or just response all of my messages. It's really hard. I think of her all the time. It must be harder for Christine, coz she's gonna be around places full of memories..

I guess when i'm all alone, this is what i can think about, after all my assignment is accomplished. I am still hurting. Deeply.

I have no inspiration of blogging anymore. I feel like all i could think about is my pain.

I'll keep this blog. I'll write when i feel i want to..

"Til I Get Over You"

Everytime I feel alone
I can blame it on you
And I do, oh

You got me like a loaded gun
Golden sun and sky so blue
We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice

[Chorus:]
(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)
You just bring me down
(Je pr©tends que tout va bien)
So I'm counting my tears 'til I get over you

Sometimes I watch the world go by
I wonder what it's like
To wake up every single day
Smile on your face
You never tried
We both know we can't change it
But we both know we'll just have to face it



If only I could give you up
But would I want to let you off of this soapbox baby?
We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice

[Chorus]

We both know that I'm not over you
I'm not over you

Labels: College, Friends, Music, Pictures, Video

Stranger (0)

It's the first day of class today. Yes! I am totally excited and thrilled about going back to books. Actually, i rather study than spending the rest of my day working in the restaurant.

Anyway, it was raining heavily today and the wind is like typhoon. I bought a new turquoise color umbrella for college rainy days use and it didn't helped at all. I was so afraid that the wind might break my umbrella, so i decided to keep it back and get drenched. Was a slight jam on the way to college, so i was rather late for my first class, 'Intro to TV'.

If you are/were a B.Com/ADP HELP student, you would know those 'intro' kinda classes are mostly theories and histories etc based. But in Mercer, i am amazed, shocked, scared, stressed and intimidated at the same time. The class is held in a green screen studio room, with lightings hanging from the ceiling, 3 huge studio camera and a control room. The lecturer said, this class will be project and practical based, no final exam. So we'll be getting our toes in each department such as directing, camera, Anchoring(so worried), lighting and etc in TV production. The thing is, most of my classmates are well experienced with this industry. For example, they hosted in their local high school TV channel, had an internship with the local radio station and is a part time reporter. I felt so intimidating! Where else i was a cameraman in a 8 minute film and i learnt nothing about the camera. =.=

I am so kiasu.. I don't wanna lose to other people. And i am gonna do group project with them. Gosh.. Will they laugh at my accent? Hate this kinda feeling...
Miss my Sandra and Christine so much. I wish they are here with me.

English classes was better. Made some couple of international friends, one from Egypt and a girl from Germany.. She's nice and she speaks super fast. hahaha...

I hope i will enjoy college life like how i did in HELP with Sandra & Christine and bunch.

The day ended with a beautiful sunset.. Must be Sand trying to cheer me up.

Then i started my car, and Toploader's Dancing In The Moonlight played from my i-Pod. That was Sand's ringtone when i first met her at the Bursary, coz i was using the exact ringtone too.
I miss her.

Labels: College, Friends

Kills Me (3)

My nights has been easier. I don't wake up in the middle of the night thinking about Sand that often, but still do.
I just have to keep myself busy with work all day. Keep on working.. I try not to be alone, coz if i am i will just break down and feel the emptiness in me.
Knowing i will not see you again, knowing i will not hear your voice, knowing i will not eat good food with you, knowing you will not reply all my comments, knowing you will not comment on my pictures and etc, knowing i lost my no.1 stalker in facebook and blog, knowing i can't talk to you again.. It's just madness for me to digest.
I still cannot believe this.
I will try to move on without you, but i am afraid i will not think of you that often. I don't wanna let you go. You are belong in many many chapters of my life. We are meant to be best friends forever with Xtine.
I miss you. I miss looking at you blur face when you did something silly and you know that i am mad.

Can you come back to me please? I really don't know how to move on without you. How can my Sand suddenly been deleted from this earth?

I just can't...

Labels: Friends, Goodbye, Life

Don't Ask Why (3)

I am lost of words.
My boyfriend woke me up when he saw Christine's msn message.
I just couldn't believe it.. I did not cry. It's too hard to believe. I feel like they are playing a prank to lure me back to Malaysia..

I just couldn't let go.
I couldn't believe it.
I felt very comfortable around her.

I still can hear her voice calling out my name.

We had too lil time together but yet, lots of memories together.

She made me feel appreciated as a friend. She is always there in the best year of my life..

This is insane.

I am very hurt and vulnerable.

I am not talking about some other friend i have who passed away. I am talking about a friend i call my best friend. Someone i called a true friend.. Someone is so kind, innocent and pure and down to earth and humble.

I am very hurt. Very very painful..

I wish she can reply all my messages.. All my twits. I wish she never died. I wish this is not true.

I have nothing to say besides i am very hurt and i miss her alot, and there is nothing i can do with it.

This was her ringtone :

"Don't ask why, Before we get too close just let me, Say goodbyeIt's easier this way, Don't ask why, Before you ask the question and I Die Inside, Just let me walk away... "
-Vanessa Hudgens-

Labels: Friends, Life

Birthday Blues (2)

Another 6 more days i would be 21 years old. Again, i have birthday blue tho i am looking forward to get my Ugg Boots and to be able to drink alcohol legally in the United States.
Besides that, i have nothing much to look forward to. I have no friends and no RDs to celebrate my birthday with, no mama and family(that includes my gila cousin, Jill), Wankit has finals on the 21st Dec and there wouldn't be anyone at home with me on my birthday.

But what i am proud of is, i had reached this far in life. I always known that i had been a nasty and bitchy daughter for the past 18 years of my life since i was born, i am glad i am a better person now to my mama and to myself. I am firm with what i want to do in life and future. I am paying for my own college with just waitressing(probably will get some extra jobs in future). I am very proud of who i am today.

First of all i wanna truly thank my mama, who is always scolding me which at certain point really did work and loves me unconditionally,
I wanna thank Peng Ee(Jill's mama), who had always been so mean to me and never stop lecturing me and really shows that she truly cares for me,
i wanna thank the RDs, who had always leading me to the right path when i was really lost in life and you guys will always be in every chapter of my life,
i wanna thank Thini, Sandra and Christine, whom made such a great impact in my life and had always been a good friend who never fails to listen to my problems,
and most of all, i wanna thank Wankit,
for being such a great lover who completely changed my life in many perspective ways, love me so much that i don't even think no one had ever loved me so much besides my mama, guided me, made me a much much better person that i was, never made me fail to love you more each day and always make me happy. What we have now, is my biggest achievement for these past 21 years and i am proud of ourselves too. I never knew i could love someone so much that i could give everything up in Malaysia and fly millions of miles away for you. What we have now, is what i want in future, hope we'll stay this way for as long as possible.

I guess i am not that blue on my birthday after all.

Labels: Birthdays, Family, Friends, Life

A Step Forward (4)

OMG! I just came back from gym with Wankit. I never felt so weak before. The last time i felt this way was when i was back in Malaysia, attempt to swim 10 laps when i just woke up with an empty stomach. I haven't been working out for about 2 weeks now. Gosh! I'm hitting the gym again tomorrow to catch up.

Yesterday, it was the last day of duty of Ken, my favorite sushi chef in my working place. He makes the prettiest sushi here, in the restaurant, and he's so nice and funny. But he's moving on to a better offer and place. So we threw a mini farewell for him.

I don't know why i look so pale everytime after work.

My pretty bag!

I think ever since i bought this bag, i am so tempt to get more of Juicy Couture items. :D
They are all so pretty. The next time i am getting a Juicy Couture bag, i'm gonna get a darker one, so i can use more often.

Anyway, went to settle some stuff for college and i finally enrolled to Spring 2010 class. OMG!
After all the hard work to get a status here. I wanna thank everybody who helped me throughout this process, especially my dear mummy and Wankit's family's generous help, and of course, the endless support from my friends.

My memorable ID from my previous college.

I know, the photo quality damn suck. I still remember the stupid HELP Desk black face queen.
Haha.. Damn hate her.

And this is my current one.

ID design and quality not as cangih. And they wrote my name is RED! Wah piang wei!! Die de lo me.. And it's so damn huge! GILA!
But at least i look pretty in it.
Hahha...

Haih..

Labels: College, Event, Food, Friends, Goodbye, Life, Pictures, Work

Ghost Festival (0)

I have to work on Halloween but we're all planned to dress up for work. My first idea was to be a Slytherins, but costumes was pretty pricy. Then, Michael Jackson. But S size Thriller jacket was sold out and left L size. =.=
So i simply grabbed an army costume.
I was thinking of becoming a zombie army but my customers claimed that i am G.I Jane.

Some said i am adorable. :( I'm suppose to look scary. I guess plan failed.
The guys didn't plan to dress up, so we managed to convince them to join the fun. So our make-up artist help the guys to make up for Halloween.

This is where to guys put their fangs when they are working. Apparently it's very uncomfortable and it's hard to speak with it. Haha.. They have their names labeled on the napkins.

It was fun.. My first Halloween. :D

Labels: Event, Festives, Friends, Pictures, Work

Sern Sern (4)

This green tea cake is made especially to a dear friend of Wankit & i. It's my first time frosting a cake, so it looks a little retarded. We would like to wish Wern Sern a happy 21st birthday and hope he can find happiness like what Wankit & i have. All the best in his studies and rock on. Owh! And don't be so gay.

Haha! I missed a 'st' on the 21!

Labels: Birthdays, Culinary, Friends, Pictures

Da Pin Lou (0)

I love steamboats, especially during cold weather. Last Saturday, the servers met up at Terry's place to have steamboat, and it's called 'da pin lou' in cantonese. Haha..

Fei bought everything and kept it all at the restaurant. Fiona, Terry and i brought it back to Terry's place to set up. Woohuu! Yummy!

It was nice to learn other style of steamboat.

Even the sauce is different. The add raw eggs, chili sauce, scallions and some kinda of chinese bbq sauce that tastes so good.

It was alot of food indeed.

and this is heaven!
Haven't really show you guys my colleagues from Shogun(the name of the place i'm working at)
Melica, Fiona & i

Melica & Fiona

Aunty Monica & Uncle Jason

Samson & Fei

The other guys with the chopsticks in the pot is Terry.

The Shogun Family

My favourite people from Shogun!

Probably the best steamboat experience.

Labels: Event, Food, Friends, Life, Pictures, Work

Mid Autum (3)

Nothing special. Was working.. Working... and working.
The rewards? $80!

We had some mooncakes tho, made in Malaysia

I'm not a big fan of mooncake. Like i said, i only like Jacqueline's mooncake.
The best part of mooncake, the yolk. :D

Other than mooncakes, i enjoy being with the Shogun family. They are all crazy and nice people.

Ken, my favourite sushi chef.. Always makes pretty sushis and add extra ingredients for me.

The 2 Fionas

And they are very enthusiastic to learn Malay language..

Haha..

Fiona and i bought Malibu Mango for home.. So i can drink practically ever night. I think i love drinking alcohol more than ever ever since i came to USA. I drink after work, i drink at home. :D I prefer liquor here more, i think i prefer drinking cocktails. I know
how to make some.. :D

Labels: Festives, Food, Friends, Pictures, Video, Work

Be That Girl.. (3)

I always wished i can be those girls who have tons of beautiful clothes, beautiful things. Those girls who can go shopping pretty often of their life without worrying about money at all, coz their family have unlimited supply of cash for her, or maybe they just don’t know the financial status of her family.

Sometimes, i do feel unpretty. I wanna be like those girls who are glamorous, never seen wearing the same outfit twice, beautiful. I always got the feeling that i am a plain jane. I am never the glamorous one. I am never the beautiful one. I am never the fashionable one. I am never the pretty one. I am never the hot and sexy one. I am never the talented one. Who am i? Where do i belong? It makes me feel real small and down sometimes. It’s like i will never stand out from the others.

Maybe i am the one that people will always remember as the girl that reminds Christine & Sandra about college and assignment the most.

I can’t afford to spend to buy clothes and really doll up myself, my family can’t. I don’t dare to spend so much. I always wonder how nice it is to just shop, shop and shop until you drop? I just can’t. Back in Malaysia, i can’t even afford to eat well. I have to worry about college, my expenses, my transportation to college and $$$. I really feel those who goes to college without worrying about $$ and just worry about their education, are really lucky.

Yes, life here is so much more better than in Malaysia. At least i am not alone struggling and i eat well and i have money. Yet, i can’t spend as my heart wish to. I have to save the money i earn for my college. Tell me which of my friends are using the money they earn for their own college? I didn’t take PTPTN coz i have the opportunity to study abroad now, who doesn’t want it? But there are a price to pay, i have to take the risk and i have to work for my own college fees. If you’re wondering is the job here harder and tiring? I have no comments about it. I had many working experiences and i think i know how to deal with jobs like this and i am not a quitter. I wanna get a degree in Broadcasting and i will, that’s my goal.

I really wish i am not this kind of girl.. Who worries so much about her family and her life. Sometimes i could be the other girl that i wished to be.

I know this will make me a stronger and better person than the others. I just wished i am strong enough to go through this stage of my life where my friends are all having fun in their youth, looking pretty, hot and sexy and graduated.

Labels: Family, Friends, Life

Midnight Supper (2)

So busy last night and i skipped my dinner and was really really tired.

Went to TGIF for a girls night out. Bahaha… For dessert. And had some talk.

Their Kitchen is so Glamorous.

Did i tell you that i am starting to love Baby Pork Ribs and Salmon now?! Damn nice!

Labels: Friends, Life

Things I Miss (3)

Well, besides my family. I miss my 2 close friends that i used to have in college. They are currently having a print screen craze. :(

I miss them can?

I wish i got someone to gila with here. That’s when i really really miss them.

By the way, Cover Girl’s mascara is GOOD!

Labels: Friends